Mastering the Art of Conversation: Tips on How to Talk to Someone New
Embarking on a conversation with someone new can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. Whether you're at a social event, networking gathering, or simply striking up a chat with a stranger, effective communication is key to making a positive impression. In this blog post, we'll explore practical tips to help you navigate the art of conversation and build connections with ease.
Start with a Friendly Greeting:
Begin the conversation on a positive note with a warm and friendly greeting. A simple "hello" or "hi" accompanied by a genuine smile can set the tone for a comfortable and inviting interaction. Nothing communicates interest and warmth as much as a smile. Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends & Influence People wrote, “you must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you”. How can you communicate that you like meeting someone? Simple, you smile.
Make Eye Contact:
Establishing eye contact conveys sincerity and confidence. It shows that you are fully present in the conversation and interested in the person you're talking to. However, be mindful not to stare excessively, as this may make the other person uncomfortable.
Using eye contact in moderation can help to create a positive connection. Atsushi Senju and Mark Johnson wrote in their article, The eye contact effect: mechanisms and development, “The ‘eye contact effect’ is the phenomenon that perceived eye contact with another human face modulates certain aspects of the concurrent and/or immediately following cognitive processing. In addition, functional imaging studies in adults have revealed that eye contact can modulate activity in structures in the social brain network, and developmental studies show evidence for preferential orienting towards, and processing of, faces with direct gaze from early in life.” In other words, eye contact activates specific areas of the brain related to social settings and studies show preference for seeing others make eye contact with you. So look someone in the eye and it will help you build a connection.
Use Open Body Language:
Your body language speaks volumes. Maintain open and relaxed postures, avoid crossing your arms, and subtly mirror the other person's gestures. Mirroring is when you mildly copy another person’s body language. For example, if they cross their leg, you do too. If they lean forward, you do too. Mirroring makes another person feel a sense of connection subconsciously, makes another person feel like you are similar. Open body language fosters a sense of approachability and encourages a more comfortable exchange.
Introduce Yourself Clearly:
When initiating a conversation, introduce yourself clearly. A simple introduction, including your name and perhaps a brief mention of why you're in the same space, provides context and invites the other person to share about themselves as well. Try to remember their details too and repeat their name in conversation if possible afterwards. People love hearing their name.
Find Common Ground:
Discovering common interests is an effective way to establish a connection. Ask open-ended questions about their hobbies, experiences, or opinions, and actively listen to find common ground. Shared interests create a natural foundation for meaningful conversation.
Be Mindful of Small Talk:
Small talk serves as the initial bridge to deeper conversations. Ask about their day, inquire about their interests, or comment on the shared environment. Small talk helps break the ice and sets the stage for more profound discussions. Many people say they hate small talk but we can’t get to the deep talk without it. When you approach small talk, one thing that can help deepen the conversation are stories, people love stories and they change up the boring Q and A of small talk (you can even prepare these in advance!). Patrick King explains in his book, better small talk, that there are 5 common small talk conversation topics that come up that you can prepare a mini-story for.
Most Common Small Talk Conversation Topics:
Your occupation
Your week
Your upcoming weekend
Your hometown
Your hobbies, etc
King says that people aren’t really interested in the literal answer to the questions, they want to hear something interesting. Mini-stories offer the possibility to share with others what your mindset is like, your personality and emotional learnings. This along with the content of your answer, can help build connections. He gives the example instead of: “‘So what do you do?’ "‘I’m a marketing executive’”. You could say, “I’m a marketing executive. I deal mostly with clients. Just last week we had a crazy client that threatened to send his bodyguards to our office! I definitely wish I dealt more with the creative”. Isn’t the second response so much more exciting? Take some time to think of 1 to 2 creative answers for the 5 questions above so you are ready for your next round of small talk.
Listen Actively:
Actively listening is an invaluable skill in any conversation. Give the other person your full attention, nod in agreement, and respond thoughtfully to their comments. Show genuine interest by asking follow-up questions that demonstrate your engagement. Try to use paraphrasing, by restating what the other person said in a shorter version using your words. This will make the other person know that you were really listening and feel like you get them.
Avoid Interrupting:
Interrupting can disrupt the flow of conversation and make the other person feel unheard. Practice patience and wait for natural pauses before contributing to the discussion. This fosters a respectful and considerate dialogue.
Be Genuine:
Authenticity is magnetic. Be yourself and share your thoughts, experiences, and opinions genuinely. People appreciate authenticity, and it creates an environment where both parties feel comfortable being open and honest.
End on a Positive Note:
As the conversation naturally concludes, end on a positive note. Express your pleasure in meeting them, mention something you enjoyed about the conversation, and, if appropriate, express interest in continuing the discussion in the future.
Mastering the art of talking to someone new is a skill that can be developed with practice and mindfulness. By incorporating these tips into your interactions, you'll find that engaging in conversations becomes more natural and enjoyable. Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to connect, learn, and share, so embrace the journey of communication and the rich tapestry of connections it can bring to your life.
-Brittany